It will be you that I see
(fragment from September 2002)

I loved you once. For that mere fact, I will always love you...even though you don't deserve it. Shame rises in my throat like acid, and I realize for the first time...that in fact, I never deserved you. Despite the sudden faltering of my heart and the sting of salt upon my eyes, I love you still. I want to hate you, forget you, bury those seeds that never had a chance to bloom into something of splendid color and beauty. You were supposed to be the last thing my eyes beheld before they closed for the final time....and now you're gone. I still remember the softness of your smile, your soul crushing mine. I have no choice but to hold on to you... I only held you once in my arms...but I will hold you in my heart for more than you can imagine. No matter where you are... When my eyes close the last will be you that I see.